I have heard some of my peers who have remained faithful to our Holy Church and who have had the privilege of staying in God's graces their whole lives express some anxiety regarding their spiritual fervor.
Some converts tell their story of how they became as prodigal sons by rejecting the truths of the faith and then by the powerful Grace of God were awakened and eventually led home. These stories can sometimes captivate audiences and inspire others to never stray from God.
This can lead the people who have never committed great sins or rebelled against the faith to feel somewhat less exciting or perhaps spiritually dull. Thérèse of Lisieux briefly touches upon this in her manuscripts and I think it provides for us a beautiful glimpse into the mysterious love of God.
O blessed ignorance! which has helped me avoid great evils! How can a heart given over to the affection of creatures be intimately united with God? I feel this is not possible. Without having drunk the poisoned cup of a too ardent love for creatures, I feel I cannot be mistaken. I have seen so many souls, seduced by this false light, fly like poor moths and burn their wings, and then return to the real and gentle light of Love that gives them new wings which are more brilliant and delicate, so that they can fly toward Jesus, that Divine Fire "which burns without consuming" (St. John of the Cross) Ah! I feel it! Jesus knew I was too feeble to be exposed to temptation; perhaps I would have allowed myself to be burned entirely by the misleading light had I seen it shining in my eyes. It was not so for me, for I encountered only bitterness where stronger souls met with joy, and they detached themselves from it through fidelity. I have no merit at all, then in not having given myself up to the love of creatures. I was preserved from it only through God's mercy!
I know that without Him, I could have fallen as low as St. Mary Magdalene, and the profound words of Our Lord to Simon resound with a great sweetness in my soul. I know that "he to whom less is forgiven, loves less," (Luke 7:47) but I also know that Jesus has forgiven me more than St. Mary Magdalene since He forgave me in advance by preventing me from falling. Ah! I wish I could explain how I feel.
Here is an example which will express my thoughts at least a little. Suppose a clever physician's child meets with a stone in his path which causes him to fall and break a limb. His father comes to him immediately, picks him up lovingly, takes care of his hurt, using all the resources of his profession for this. His child, completely cured, shows his gratitude. This child is no doubt right in loving his father! But I am going to make another comparison. The father, knowing there is a stone in his child's way, hastens ahead of him and removes it but without anyone seeing him do it. Certainly this child, the object of his father's tender foresight, but unaware of the misfortune from which he was delivered by him, will not thank him and will love him less than if he had been cured by him. But if he should come to learn the danger from which he escaped, will he not love his father more? Well, I am this child, the object of the foreseeing love of a Father who has not sent His Word to save the just, but sinners. He wants me to love Him because He has forgiven me not much but ALL. He has not expected me to love Him much like Mary Magdalene, but He has willed that I KNOW how He has loved me with a love of unspeakable foresight in order that now I may love Him unto folly! I have heard it said that one cannot meet a pure soul who loves more than a repentant soul; ah! how I wish to give the lie to this statement!
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